Confused about ADHD

Q&A (Run by volunteers)
1

Hi,

I just found and joined this community today, so thank you for having me. I did try searching, but I don’t have the mental capacity to read through lots of posts to see if I’m repeating a previous question, so apologies in advance.

My story so far.

I’m 53, divorced with two grown up children. I don’t live near my children as I had to move about 30 miles away for work. Unfortunately I don’t get to see my kids often due to their work schedules.

Anyway, just over two years ago my daughter called me to sat she thought she had ADHD. I advised her as best as I could but knew nothing about the subject. Trying to be a good Dad, I read up on ADHD online. It was a huge lightbulb moment when I read multiple symptom lists and realised that I ticked the majority of the boxes myself. This was a shock to me and I truly believed that I had ADHD. I then had a huge drive to go down the diagnosis route. My local NHS service had a 3-5 year waiting list, so I decided to go down the RTC route, which took just over a year I think.

I was diagnosed in February with ADHD - Inattentive Presentation with potential autistic traits. Although I need further assessment on this to determine if it is actually AuDHD.

I just started the med titration process a few weeks ago and have been working my way up through the dosages. So far I feel no difference at all, but am hopeful that this will change when my meds are adjusted at my next review. I really need them to start working to help with my poor sleep and low motivation.

My question is about masking, if that’s the correct term. Prior to learning that I might have ADHD I was oblivious. I was just a middle aged guy with a terrible memory, a tendency to interrupt my wife and a long history of starting projects and not finishing them. All of which contributed partly to the end of my marriage. I didn’t really consider anything to be wrong. It was just me and probably just getting old.

The thing is, since finding out about ADHD my life seems to have fallen apart. I’m not a lazy person, but I can no longer start the simplest of tasks, no matter how much I want to. I have very low motivation and even struggle leaving the house. I have been going through what I’ve been told is grieving process, over how my life might have turned out if I’d learned about my ADHD much sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t have ended up divorced. I’ve also had many dark thoughts and moments over this period of my life, although I’m reasonably ok at the moment.

I just wonder if I have subconsciously been “masking” and putting systems and processes in place, to cope with everyday life without even realising it. But, as soon as my daughter told me about ADHD, it feels like the walls have come down and those processes have just vanished. I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

I’m also concerned that because I’m not feeling any change on meds, that they’ve made a mistake with my diagnosis. Although there is only a small part of me that worries about this.

Sorry if I’ve posted this in the wrong place. Thank you if you’ve read this whole post, I hope I haven’t over shared and rambled on too much, as I tend to do this most of the time. I could have added much more information but forced myself to hold back.

Thanks for listening.

2

Thanks for sharing this, your story is familiar - many people realise they have ADHD after their child’s diagnosis.

Firstly before I tell you about my experience with medication I want to disclose that I am in no way a medical professional, and this group has a strict no medical advice policy. That being said, based on what knowledge I do have,

I will say that ADHD medication falls into 2 categories, stimulants and non stimulants. Within those categories there are different brands and different variations of how the medication works. I wont bore you with the science but here is some NHS guidance on it. It is very rare that someone finds the “perfect” dose first time. If you are prescribed stimulants, they will have no doubt started you on the lowest dose possible and will be gradually increasing it over time.

In my experience, when people start taking meds, they want everything to change all at once. They start to over analyse every situation and its easy to over look the effects when you do this. My advice would be to keep a diary, and every time you complete a series of tasks compare your progress from when you would have done the same tasks before being on meds. For me personally, I didn’t notice how well my meds worked until the medication shortage and I didn’t take them for a week.

But I cant stress this enough, no two people are the same. If you have any concerns about your medication speak to your prascriber

3

Hi Jamie,

Thanks for your reply and your insight on this, I really appreciate it.

I can definitely say that I went into the medication process with an open mind. To prepare myself I watched several Vlogs online documenting people’s journeys with starting meds and their effects after being on them for a while.

Common things I heard or read…

  • Everyone has a different response to meds.
  • What works for some won’t work for others.
  • Meds won’t fix things overnight and may not fix all of your symptoms.
  • You might have to try different options to find what works for you.

I fully agree with what your are saying and realise that there may be very subtle changes that I’m not able to detect at the moment. I also know that it’s still early days as I’ve started week 4 of 36mg (Concerta) today.

I’m trying to focus on listening to my body but at the moment my experience is.

  • Still having the same focus issues at work.
  • Very easily distracted.
  • Talking people’s ears off.
  • Oversharing.
  • Low motivation for starting tasks at home.
  • Difficulty turning off my brain to get to sleep.
  • Obsession with new gadgets/projects.
  • Impulse buying then losing interest afterwards.

I have my next review on Friday, so it will be interesting to hear what the doctor has to say about my experience so far.

Getting my meds delivered is stressful too, as they have to be sent from an online pharmacy and signed for. This has been a problem, as the postman arrived with my first batch while I was at work. I then had to get arrange for them to be redelivered to a post office instead. This caused a 3 day delay in being able to collect and start them. If this happens again, it could mean a gap in taking my meds and I don’t know if that’s a bad thing.

Please understand that I’m not complaining for a moment. I truly am very grateful and fortunate that I found out about my ADHD, then managed to get diagnosed much quicker than I could through my local NHS route. RTC definitely was a revelation for me.

I know that I need to be patient and follow the titration process, which I fully intend to as I’m in this for the long haul. I guess I’m just so desperate for some help with getting to sleep, as I’m so tired all of the time. Which in turn has a massive impact on work and my life in general. There have been several occasions that I have had to get up and go to work after having 2-3 hours and on a couple of occasions no sleep at all. In my job (engineering), it can be very dangerous when you’re going to work like a zombie because you’re so exhausted.

I know I generally overthink and catastrophise about things too. So it’s easy for me to worry and obsess about stuff like this. But I’m really glad to have found this community, as it’s nice to be able to read about others experience and share mine too. It’s astounding how many people are discovering that they are neurodivergent after years of being oblivious to it. I don’t think the media and social media help either. Especially when some trivialise this without knowing the impact it can actually have on people’s lives.

Thank you again Jamie, for the information and advice. It’s always helpful to hear different perspectives on things. I’m happy to share how things progress if anyone wants me to.

Take care